The Fertility Journey as a Couple Part II
I got this fertility journey analogy from my husband, who came home one day so incredibly enthused about how incredible the sunset was – we live near Bondi Beach, and it’s a beautiful beach in Sydney, Australia.
The fact that he came home so enthralled, telling me about all the shades of pinks, yellows and orange with sparkly things all over, made me think, “Okay, who are you?”
As perspective, my husband is an accountant, he does not talk about sunsets. He talks about numbers and that’s pretty much what he’s interested in. So on this occassion, I thought “okay it’s nice that he had a beautiful walk and that he really enjoyed himself” and in rather stark contrast to his incredible sense of awe, “nice” was as far as it got for me on an emotional level.
You might be listening to me right now, going, “Okay, what does it have to do with fertility and certainly my wanting of having a baby?” Well, it has a lot to do with it, because it’s one thing for you to tell your partner all of these wonderful things that you’re learning through the 7 Day Fertility Challenge but it is a complete differently story for your partner to experience it for themselves, to gain understanding for themselves, to understand context for themselves.
You see if I was at Bondi Beach with my husband that on afternoon, we would have been arm-in-arm, going, “Wow! My goodness! That’s amazing, incredible, how wonderful that I’m here with you,” etc. Just like we do when we’re just looking at in our bedroom and we see the sunset, we go, “Wow! Isn’t that incredible.” But him telling me about it just didn’t do it.
What I’m hearing when I ask, “How are you, guys, going with the challenge?” is too often…
“Yeah, I’m doing it, and I’m just kind of relaying the information to my partner.”
That doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t cut it because they will not get or have the same common experience that you will, and shared experiences are incredibly important for relationships.
That’s why unless we’re treating a person who’s going through solo reproduction, we only treat couples because we understand the power and the impact of common and shared experiences on the relationship, on the quality of the relationship.
So do it with your partner even if you have to coerce, cajole, threaten, whatever it is that you have to do, get them to watch it as well, from an expert perspective, this is what you need to do.
They might not want to do it or decide that it’s not for them, that’s fine but at least that plants a seed. It plants a seed in their mind to go, “Okay, I’ve heard that there,” and then they go and read something that’s similar and they go, “Okay, maybe that was actually right.”
They start to have more context, building more understanding around what’s important. All of a sudden, a change in behaviour occurs. When a change in behaviour occurs, guess what? Then you have traction. You have the ability and the power to actually start making things be what you want them to be.