The question of what to do when a partner is not supportive raises a whole lot of other questions because if your partner is not supportive, then you need to sit down together and have an open and honest conversation about what exactly, you each want.
Sometimes men and women don’t want to change because there’s no major reason no motivation to make it happen. You may really want to have a baby and they may not, perhaps even the last thing that they really wanted. Understanding whether you both truly want the same thing is the first place to start.
If you ascertain yes, we want the same thing, the next big question is, on a scale of 0 to 10 where 10 how much do you want this, how much does your partner want this. You’re both going to be much more proactive, more able and willing to make changes that will improve your odds of creating the healthy baby of your dreams if your both at the 9 or 10 level. If your partner, is at 5/10, they will not have the same level of motivation, and you need to understand why.
Another good question that you could ask is, “What would make it a 10? Could anything make it a 10? Because if there are things that need to happen from your partners perspective, then you need to understand what those things are.
If nothing would make it a 10 from a 5 then ask yourself again “do we want the same things?” You may need to face the fact that you both want different things out of the relationship and that might prompt an end of a relationship or it might prompt a whole new conversation.
There is a fantastic that I like to recommend for all of my patients. It’s called The Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work by Dr John Gottman. His research on relationships and certainly what makes relationships fail so as to reverse engineer what makes them work is ground-breaking. It truly can help guide couples as to what to do next.
Your relationship is critical to fertility success. Open and honest conversations, are the best place to start. Take responsibility. Don’t blame. Understand that each person has their own needs, wants, and desires, and that nagging is not what will get your partner across the line. You need find ways to inspire and engage them in a shared vision for your family life together in order to boost motivation, change behaviour and get your partner on board.
Here’s the link to download a copy of the video transcript What can I do if my partner is not supportive?